Today I am happy. I arrived at work with a smile on my face (I can’t tell you how longs its been since that has happened!). My big brother, A, flew back from Africa last night where he has been living for the past 2 years. He landed at 7am this morning and I chatted to him while I was on the way to work. I miss him loads when he is away and am very glad that he is back in this country to stay. I can’t wait to see him in a couple of weeks.
Its funny though isn’t it. My family have the capacity to wind me up, infuriate me, and hurt me more than most other people in the world. And yet I miss them so much when they are not there and love them so dearly. I wish they all lived much closer. Even though I have amazing friends and support where I live, there is something about being with my family. I can be completely myself and know that they will still love me. I can be child-like and needy and my parents will look after me. I feel safe and at home when I’m with them all. But I’m always ready to get home again after a couple of days!
And for R, if you are reading this over in Oz – I miss you like you wouldn’t believe but am so very glad that you are off exploring the world and having an amazing time. I can’t wait to see you in a years time xx
Last week I spent a day inducting and handing over to my maternity cover. She seems very good and efficient, has way more experience and training than me and I think that she will do a better job at my job than I do.
Also, when my line manager was talking about how the school works and how the job fits into that, she said that my role was largely as a ‘general dogsbody’. I have long suspected that this was how I was thought of but it saddens me that is how she quite obviously thinks of me (and also worries me that she says that to the person taking on the role in September).
I have no motivation left. I am just a dogsbody. I also am going on maternity leave which makes me irrelevant (I’m not allowed to go on a training course, at no cost to the school, because I am about to go on mat leave. I could go to the head and challenge this but am just planning to keep my head down and get through the last few weeks with minimal disruption).
I have my performance management this week and one of my targets was for more training in various areas relating to my job. Every time I have found a course that I want to go on, my line manager has said that it is too expensive, not a very good course or pointless becasue I am about to go on leave. Hence I have had no training since starting this job 18months ago.
All of the above makes me want to stay hiding in bed in the mornings and not come back in a year when my leave ends. The problem is that I dont know what I want to do, what I can do.
On a more positive note, only 10 more get ups til the school holidays begin and I can stay hiding in my bed. Except, I expect that when I am not trying to avoid work anymore I will no longer feel the need to hide. I may get up and enjoy the world. Or maybe a few days of hiding anyway wouldn’t do me any harm.
The day that Wispas were reintroduced by Cadburys was a very happy day in my life. I have always loved Wispas and had missed their presence on the shelves (and in my tummy). But I have long wished that they would reintroduce Wispa Golds (for those that don’t know thats a Wispa with caramel in the middle).
Driving home from work last week, I heard a news item announcing that Wispa Golds were back in production and would hit the shelves in September. I am very excited and will be hunting down my local supplier of Wispa Golds in order to keep me busy during my last few weeks before babyfish arrives.
So, the new carpet continues to look very pretty, feel soft and spongy under my bare feet and smell just like new carpet should. The only problem is that the doors wont fit over it, so they are propped against the wall in the hallway until we can plane them down and rehang them (I had always thought that they carpet fitters would do this but I seem to have been wrong).
Now, I dont mind not having a bedroom door for a short while. Its just Mr WF and me and so it doesn’t really matter. Until you have people come and stay. And then it gets a little awkward. The guest room is right next door to our bedroom. Its still too hot to sleep wearing much. And suddenly one feels rather vulnerable without a door. However, we have a bamboo screen which we retrieved from the utility room and there were no embarrassing incidents during the night (that I know of anyway). And maybe, today we will sort the doors out and rehang them.
Today is Carpet Day and I am very excited. My bedroom carpet is hideous. Its not properly fitted. Its covered in marks and dirt and burns. And it clashes awfully with the walls. But by the time I get home today it will be replaced with a lovely new one. The littlest bedroom is also being carpetted. This means that Jackson Zebedee Sylvester McMonkey McBean Wibblyfish (current and only name suggestion for the babyfish) will have his own little room where we can dump all the baby-related stuff we seem to have accumulated already!
Last night some friends came round to help clear the furniture from our bedroom. It is now all piled into the guest room and is only accessible by my WF (I am now too large to fit through the tiny gap left between the door and the chest of drawers). This made getting dressed rather more complicated than usual.
‘Mr MF, please could you get me that dress with pink flowers on? You know the one I mean. Its a maternity dress. Its pink. Oooh, stop, thats it.’
‘That dress is not pink. Its white.’ says Mr WF
‘Ok. I now need a vest top. No not that one. Thats a nice vest, I need one to go under the dress. A white one. Or a pink one. No, that one is too small. Try on looking in the pile of clothes on the bed. What about in the other drawer. There must be one somewhere. Ok, that one will have to do.’
I’ll spare you the underwear conversation that continued in the same vein. Needless to say, getting dressed took a long time today! But its all ok because when I get home there will be new carpet. And I will roll on it.