Perfection

I am a frustrated perfectionist. Its hard to be a perfectionist when you have a small baby. The house is a mess, the laundry needs doing, and when was the last time I cooked a decent hearty meal let alone do any baking? And there has been very little knitting, crafting or making of things of late.

Its been getting me down. Everyone else seems able to do it all. Several of my friends with small babies have immaculate houses. A couple of them manage to bake. I wish I could. I am desperate to do some baking, to blitz the house, to do some studying for the training course I have just started.

Last night I got rather worked up about it all. Mr WF asked me this ‘Do you think that people will like you better if you have a tidy house, or have straightened your hair, baked some cakes or cooked a nice dinner?’ The problem is that a big part of me answers yes to this even though I know it is very silly. And therein lies my problem. I guess I need to learn that people like me for me not what I do. Maybe I just need to like myself a bit better.

4 thoughts on “Perfection

  1. Aye there’s the rub – it’s difficult isn’t it? Maybe rather than setting your heights so high (having the ENTIRE house immaculate ALL the time) just concentrate on one or two small things that you notice even if nobody else does. I know that if I were in your position, I could cope with any mess (and maybe even deal with some of it or do something else creative) as long as I was able to wash my hair every 3 days. If I took it to day 4 the world would collapse. But I have known people who (because of not being able to afford a cleaner after the baby was born) got so stressed about the state of the house that it caused rows and arguments and all sorts.

  2. I so understand.

    Here’s what I do.

    1. Keep a little notebook so if there are craft ideas you think of that you want to do, but can’t now, you can jot them down for a later date. I’ve found this makes me less likely to get all worked up about the fact I haven’t made a quilt for nearly two years, a bag for longer, as I don’t feel that creativity is getting lost as I’ve written ideas down and WILL do them later, if I want to.

    2. This one takes time, but try to be a bit kinder to yourself in terms of your expectations. And Jack’s right; work out what the important things are. YOUR important things, not anyone else’s. Mine are a clean kitchen and tidy living room at the end of the day, so I don’t feel like I’m behind before I start the next day. If anyone else feels my dining room table is under just too much disorganised paperwork, they are welcome to tidy it for me, just after they clean my floors.

    3. We all know someone who is always immaculate, whose kids are always polite and well turned out, whose house is tidy and who never appears to get stressed with their children. These people are wrong and unnatural.
    3a. Okay, possibly that last bit is unfair, but they have just made different decisions to you, and proritised differently. I like to think they have prioritised wrongly, and their children have no fun in their immaculate houses.
    3b. Sorry, was that a bit unfair as well? You see where I’m coming from though…

    4. Does anyone in your household have scurvy/rickets etc? No? Then your cooking is just fine.

    I’ll shut up now.

  3. i love you for who are are and what you say that always makes me feel special. i love you for your ideas, dreams, passions, opinions and care of those around you. i don;t care if your house is untidy I came to see you not the house. and I can bring my own cake I want to talk to you not look at my food. the time time you make me smile the most is when you’ve just woken up and have bed hair. you’re real and you’re fab! just the way you are

  4. Nowhere near as wise as Birdie or Jack, so I just offer my prayers and best wishes; and, if it is any comfort, know you are not alone in wanting “to learn that people like me for me not what I do”; it’s a hard slog to believe it.

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